collections 5:6

Too many distractions. In fact, if it's not one, there's another. They seem to pile up, kind of like the way buildings do. Each distraction is another layer and another layer and another layer. There're your entertainment distractions- Television, video games, etc. Completely and utterly useless. Some distractions might serve a purpose, but these generally don't. Next on the list of distractions are social obligations: hanging out with friends and so forth. Not necessarily terrible, because we all need friends, but still an obstacle to productivity. That's right, it's a productivity blog tonight. Probably worse than the entertainment distractions are the financial obligation distractions. Nothing seems to rub me the wrong way more than rent, phone bills, electric bills, gas bills, and the price of food. These things, while always staying at the back of your mind, are like a weight... the worst part is, they become the most heavy of distractions when work is involved. As far as my opinion goes, work outside of your career-oriented desires is the worst distraction of all. It leaves you limp and soulless, unable to work on the things that actually matter to you. After being canned from my last job, I gave up working and decided to take on living under a bank's watch- loans, as it were, seemed like the best way to handle both my studies and my avenue of writing, which as of late... I've been somewhat ignoring.

Why have I been ignoring writing? This brings me to the worst distraction of all: Love. When I'm in love and comfortable, I never get a goddamn thing done... because I feel like I don't need to. Like I can settle happily in whatever it is that I'm doing and not worry about my plan or ideals. Not nearly as bad as being in love though, is that sense of loneliness that overcomes us when we're not with someone. You distract yourself with entertainment in order to keep your mind off that pain, but I think it's about time that I confront it and use it to my benefit. Afterall, as a writer, I'm supposed to feed on suffering... aren't I? Or at least I'm supposed to use it to empower my writing.

I won't say I've gotten no writing done recently. Over the summer, I've gotten a large portion of the second part of my book complete along with a couple articles for a paper that I've been drafted to work on. I've written tidbits here and there and I've been blogging (some what) regularly. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm working towards my goal, but I need to face the facts: My distractions are keeping me from making as much progress as I need to. I'm shackled down by some of them, incapable of removing a number of what I mentioned, but that doesn't necessarily mean I can't escape. I just need to get into the right mindset... financially speaking, if I remind myself that upon failing to be successful in my trade, I'll have unbelievable debt on my shoulders and to work a terrible job that'll eat my soul, it reminds me to keep working. Romantically speaking, if I don't achieve my goals, I'll never be able to give a girl whom I'm infatuated with what she deserves... and so I can't help but feel terrible for the women who I was with, and how I never could bring them the happiness that I wanted to. Entertainment is fun, but the only time it's ever useful is when new material is introduced- and at the moment, no new material presenting itself, I'm incapable of inspiration and furthermore, less and less amused as I go on.

My distractions all play a role in what I need to do and who I need to become, and until I can bring my dreams to fruition, my distractions will just be that... distractions. They won't be the life or hopes that I envision and therefore, they'll just be obstacles. However, in some scenarios, distractions benefit others. Like my associate, Martin, who spends his money and his time as though he has an infinite supply of both and yet, it's pushed him to work harder and make greater advancement in his career. I can't say the same for myself because frankly, there aren't many people out there looking for a writer to their book. Not for me, anyway. Although a contract like that would be extraordinary, it's not likely that what falls into his lap will appear in mine. And so while the distractions advance the nature of some individuals, it only burdens me... but it's about time that I shrug off those burdens and get to work. I'm tired of living with air conditioning, going out with my friends only when a bar or restaurant or concert is not involved, and playing the same old video games over and over until I've mastered them for no purpose but to say that I have. It's about time that I do something- that I drive for something, headfirst until there's nothing left of me but the smile of a boy that says, "I fucking gave it my all."

Let the fat cats enjoy their success... because tomorrow, it'll be mine.